The Schartz-Metterklume Method   

A One-Act Comedy Adapted by Burton Bumgarner
From the short story by H.H. Munro (Saki)
Eldridge Plays and Musicals

Here is a delicious tale of conventional manners and expectations turned topsy-turvy. When an upper-class family goes to meet their new English governess, they make a mistake and bring home Lady Carlotta. Her eccentricities at first delight the parents, whose four children have been the cause of past governesses' psychological breakdowns. The mother likes the idea of education being interesting and relevant to children, the father prefers discipline. Carlotta claims to teach by the "Schartz-Metterklume" method, which has her young charges acting out their lessons. Mathematics means learning to play poker, a foreign language is pig-latin, and science is a lesson on the solar system, and how close to the sun Carlotta can toss the children if they don't behave. Chaos reigns with history, when Carlotta has the four children act out the founding of Rome with yelling and screaming and kidnapping the neighbor's daughters. The parents send Carlotta back to the airport, where she meets the real governess, whose flight had been delayed. Carlotta, in her inimitable way, gives the young woman plenty of advice, getting in the last word after all.